Well, I didn’t quite make it out here before seven this morning like I had planned.
We had a fantastic day yesterday. Starting the day watching the sunrise and writing was energizing. It felt like the old days (pre-surgery) when I would get up while my house slumbered and go for a walk or a run. And watching my four trickle into the den one or two at a time from their beds was delightful. We spent the morning in here, reading and snuggling, playing games and coloring.
The afternoon was great too. We cleaned our house finally, went to the library (my favorite place in the whole world) and spent half of the afternoon and evening outside enjoying the delectable fall weather.
Even our evening went smoothly, not often the case when dad has to work late. I made food that wasn’t pizza (shocking, I know), we ate outside on the patio, the younger two got a bath (also shocking, I know!) and then we laid in my bed for an hour and read books.
Overall, an amazing day. There were moments of whining and fighting and frustration amongst the five of us, as there are every day. But I was in such a good headspace after starting my day meditating and writing that it all seemed completely manageable, delightful even.
And then darkness fell.
The kids were in bed and either asleep or quiet before nine (miracle), I was in bed before ten (even bigger miracle), everything seemed to be on track for me to get up at five this morning to pray and write.
But that was before Canyon woke up crying four times (read that, four times) through out the night needing soothed out of his hysteria.
And before a loved one accidentally called me at midnight sending adrenal rushing through my body because another of our loved ones is in the hospital in critical condition at the moment and all I could think was that this loved one would only be calling me at midnight if our other loved one had taken a turn for the worse (this was not the case, thank God, it was just an accidental call).
And before the checking of the facebook notification that sent me into a downward spiral of insecurity because my fragile heart gets completely freaked out when it thinks I have hurt someone or misspoke or unnecessarily offended.
So with all of that adrenaline and insecurity and crying it ended up being one before I closed my eyes…only to have them open again at three and five when Canyon cried out.
Not awesome. I am feeling pretty crazed this morning.
I’m sure there are some life lesson in there somewhere. Something like:
Sleep is important.
Don’t be an idiot and get on facebook in the middle of the night.
What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
Or whatever, you know, something profound like that.
But right now I am not seeing any of that, I am just really tired and cranky and my head hurts.
So while I had big plans and big ideas about what I was going to write about this morning, instead I am going to pull this blanket over my head and hope the kids don’t notice I am here.
Let’s try again tomorrow, shall we?
Lots of love,
P.S. Canyon has been waking once or twice a night for several weeks now. If anyone has any experience with curing night waking please message me. We could all use a solid night’s sleep around here…