two steps forward, one step back

You’ve toppled again. Must get centered. Wasting your days. You don’t get these back.

Where does it come from? This time you know.

Cancer. Old hurts. Sick kids. No sleep. Tax season. Friend troubles. No. sleep.

Ok, ok, you see it, it is clear.

The emotion is a black hole, devoid of light, devoid of sound. You cannot see your children in the black, cannot see your blessings. Cannot find your joy.

We are not born stuck. We are born free! It took a thousand steps to get where you are. How to unravel the spider web?

It starts with sleep. You know this. Why don’t (can’t?) you live it? It is so simple. How can something so simple feel so impossible?

It starts with the children. You are the mom. You are the creator of your home. And for today, for this now, this season, you get to decide. Never to abuse that power, always to use it for the greater good.

You must turn back your clocks. You need the silence. And you need the early morning light. When your needs are met, you overflow on to your children and your goodness covers them. That is when your family feels it’s peace, that is when your family finds it’s joy.

So what does this look like, how is this done?

It starts with a team meeting. You and the kids. Where you tell them, because you must- 

  • Dinner at 5.
  • Half baths at 6.
  • Books and quiet time at 7.
  • Lights off at 8.

Then reading and writing for Mom until 10. And the lights must go out. They simply must.

This also means no cleaning or projects after dark. And no screens either. They just can’t. Which means-

  • Leaving your phone beside the house phone. Not on your nightstand. Not in your hand or in your pocket.
  • Fasting from screens from Monday-Thursday again. You and the kids.
  • Following your chores and schoolwork routine. It is already there, written out, hanging in the kitchen. All you have to do is do it.

You know these things, you just need to do them.  That might be enough to get you balanced again.

Once those are in place, then what?

  • April 16th get back on track with your husband. Find your shared dream. Talk it through. Write it down. Pursue it. Go on that weekly date. Touch him. Kiss him. Ask him to hold you.
  • Get outside with the kids. Sit in the yard. Take walks. Go to the trails and the park. Read to them. Play games with them. Puzzles. Art. The library. Kiss them. Ask them questions.
  • Find new energy, new ideas, new stories. Where? How? You must.
  • Do your yoga. Take your walks. Go to the woods. Read your books. Listen to your music. Put down your phone. Write.

You will get there. You are getting there. Your baby is two. And you are fixing what’s been broken. Your next season is right around the corner. It really, really is. Be patient. Enjoy today. Do not let go of your dreams.

 

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3 thoughts on “two steps forward, one step back

  1. In my opinion this is your best post yet. It was from the heart and from a place of hardship. Realizing there is peace somewhere in the storm even if you can’t quite find it yet. Fixing the past can be hard but the outcome is worth the pain(even on the days it doesn’t feel like it).

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This. All of this. We are in such similar seasons. It’s hard. I’ve pregnant or breastfeeding for all of the last 13 years with the exception of 9 months. I am so ready for the next season. I have to remind myself to breathe and enjoy what I have because it will pass soon. I almost lost it all and that is overwhelming too. My kids almost didn’t have me. So when I feel like I’m failing I try to remember and be gratefully I’m here doing the best I can. Move forward. And not get bogged down and let all those things I need and want to do slide because I’m overwhlemed. Thank you for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

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